Put this in The Archers! Please put this in The Archers! This will never get out of the real world of Not Ambridge and into it's fictional counterpart: it is too funny and much too politically incorrect.
V (mid-sixties, builder, triple by-pass, two new hips) had some heart palpitations. His cardiac consultant put him on a heart monitor (or more correctly had a heart monitor put on him.) This device, about the size of the original Walkman, is attached to a belt and fastened against the skin around the waist. Various leads protrude from the device which are attached to pads attached to various parts of V's thorax.
In the pub there is much questioning and banter regarding this. V, who remains mute for about 5 minutes, suddenly walks into the middle of the pub, pulls up his jumper to reveal box, belt and leads and announces,
"Me and Osama are best mates. It is time that the decadent West is brought to understand the importance of right and holy living. We are bringing Holy War to the infidel and we're starting here in Not Ambridge."
Priceless. Not for broadcast I think.
